Chris' Good Humor Page
What does your car say about you?

• Acura Integra -- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

• Acura Legend -- I’m too bland for German cars.

• Acura NSX  -- I am impotent.

• Audi 90  -- I enjoy putting out engine fires.

• BMW 318ti -- I'm still in the closet.

• BMW 2002 - (see BMW 318ti)

• BMW 3-series -- I want others to think I'm rich.

• BMW convertible -- I have low self-esteem and can't really afford this car.

• BMW M3 -- I just made it through grad school and I want to flaunt the fact that I have no money.

• BMW 750il -- Yes, as a matter of fact, I do own the friggin' road!  Get out of my way!

• BMW Z3 --  Please like me.  I need friends.  

• Buick Park Avenue  -- I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

• Cadillac Eldorado -- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

• Cadillac Seville  -- I am a pimp.

• Chevrolet Camaro  -- I enjoy beating the hell out of people.

• Chevrolet Chevette -- I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them I have a ‘Vette.

• Chevrolet Corvette  -- [sensored on behalf of everybody’s favorite vet owner]

• Chevrolet El Camino  -- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

• Chrysler Cordoba  -- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

• Datsun 280Z  -- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

• Dodge Dart -- I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

• Dodge Daytona -- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

• Eagle Talon -- I'm not as think as you smart I am.

• Ferrari Testarossa  -- I am known to prematurely ejaculate.

• Ford Fairmont  -- (See Dodge Dart)

• Ford Mustang  -- I slow down to 85 in school zones.

• Ford Crown Victoria  -- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

• Geo Storm  -- I will start the 11^th grade for the 2nd time in the fall.

• Geo Tracker  -- I will start the 12^th grade for the 2nd time in the fall.

• Honda del Sol -- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

• Honda Civic -- I have just graduated and have no credit, and I want people to like me.

• Honda Accord  -- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

• Infiniti Q45  -- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

• Isuzu Impulse  -- I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.

• Jaguar XJ6 -- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

• Kia Sephia  -- I'm an idiot and learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

• Lamborghini Countach  -- I only have one testicle, but I can have any woman I want.

• Lincoln Town Car -- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.  

• Mercury Grand Marquis -- (See above)  

• Mercedes 500SL  -- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.  

• Mercedes 560SEL -- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

• Mazda Miata -- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.  

• MGB -- I am dating a mechanic.  

• Mitsubishi Diamante -- I don’t know what it means either.

• Mitsubishi Eclipse - (see Eagle Talon)

• Nissan 300ZX -- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.  

• Oldsmobile Cutlass  -- I just stole this car and I’m going to make it a low-rider.  

• Peugeot 505 Diesel  -- I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List.  

• Plymouth Neon -- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.  

• Pontiac Trans AM  -- I have a switchblade in my sock.  

• Porsche 911  -- I'm trying to make up for my three inch weener.  

• Porsche 944 -- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.  

• Rolls Royce Silver Shadow -- I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal.  

• Saturn SC2  -- (See Honda Civic)  

• Subaru Legacy  -- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

• Toyota Camry - I'm just like everyone else.  

• Volkswagon Beetle  -- old Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns. new Beetle: I still toke daily.

• Volkswagon Cabriolet  -- Male: I am out of the closet.  Female: I'm conceited and stuck-up.

• Volkswagon Microbus -- I am tripping right now.  

• Volvo 740 Wagon -- I am frightened of my wife's driving.  

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