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What does your car say about you?
Acura Integra -- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Legend -- Iím too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX -- I am impotent.
Audi 90 -- I enjoy putting out engine fires.
BMW 318ti -- I'm still in the closet.
BMW 2002 - (see BMW 318ti)
BMW 3-series -- I want others to think I'm rich.
BMW convertible -- I have low self-esteem and can't really afford this car.
BMW M3 -- I just made it through grad school and I want to flaunt the fact that I have no money.
BMW 750il -- Yes, as a matter of fact, I do own the friggin' road! Get out of my way!
-- Please like me. I need friends.
Buick Park Avenue -- I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
Cadillac Eldorado -- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville -- I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro -- I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
Chevrolet Chevette -- I like seeing peopleís reactions when I tell them I have a ĎVette.
Chevrolet Corvette -- [sensored on behalf of everybodyís favorite vet owner]
El Camino -- I am
leading a militia to overthrow the government .
Chrysler Cordoba -- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
-- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well .
-- I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Daytona -- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
-- I'm not as think as you smart I am.
Testarossa -- I am
known to prematurely ejaculate.
Fairmont -- (See Dodge
Mustang -- I slow down
to 85 in school zones.
Victoria -- I enjoy
having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind
-- I will start the 11th grade for the 2nd time in
Tracker -- I will start
the 12th grade for the 2nd time in the fall.
Sol -- I have always said,
half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
-- I have just graduated and have no credit, and I want
people to like me.
Accord -- I lack any
originality and am basically a lemming.
Q45 -- I am a physician
with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Impulse -- I do not
give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
-- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop
280 days per year.
-- I'm an idiot and learned nothing from the failure of
Lamborghini Countach -- I only have one testicle, but I can have any woman I want.
Town Car -- I live for bingo
and covered dish suppers.
Grand Marquis -- (See above)
500SL -- I will beat
you up if you ask me for an autograph.
560SEL -- I have a daughter
named Bitsy and a son named Cole .
-- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.
-- I am dating a mechanic.
Mitsubishi Diamante -- I donít know what it means either.
Mitsubishi Eclipse - (see Eagle Talon)
300ZX -- I have yet to
complete my divorce proceedings.
Cutlass -- I just stole
this car and Iím going to make it a low-rider.
Diesel -- I am on the
EPAís Ten Most Wanted List.
Neon -- I sincerely enjoy
doing the Macarena.
Trans AM -- I have a
switchblade in my sock.
911 -- I'm trying to
make up for my three inch weener.
-- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be
inaccessible to me.
Royce Silver Shadow -- I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too
-- (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy -- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.
Camry - I'm just like everyone else.
Volkswagon Beetle -- old Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns. new Beetle: I still toke daily.
Cabriolet -- Male: I am
out of the closet. Female: I'm conceited and stuck-up.
Microbus -- I am tripping
Wagon -- I am frightened of
my wife's driving.
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